


Don't Wake Me Up

by theauthor2010



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Gen, Ghosts, M/M, Mediums, Supernatural - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-08
Updated: 2011-03-07
Packaged: 2017-10-16 04:34:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/168460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theauthor2010/pseuds/theauthor2010
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt is slowly adjusting to Dalton Academy but the realization is slowly sinking in that Blaine is not what he seems.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Do you feel safe?

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published December 19-21. Edited.

Blaine walked in to the room and gave Kurt one of his killer smiles and Kurt's attention immediately snapped away from his research project.

"Are you still studying?" Blaine chided lightly. "You're always working Kurt.”

Kurt blushed some, because it was so true, and nodded. "I'm working on my research project for English now," he said. "The workload is a lot more intense here, I'm still adjusting, but it's also a lot more rewarding and the faculty is a lot more progressive. Mr. Johnson didn't even blink at my paper topic, just said that it was a good topic that warranted a strong writer's discussion."

Kurt smiled proudly, meaning every word he said. Sure, Dalton was difficult sometimes, but Kurt didn't feel like he lived in backwoods Ohio when he was here. He felt like his opinions were less than respected at Warblers rehearsal but at the same time, he felt like his opinions on the things that mattered were considered very important. He felt like a person who mattered.

Blaine peered over his shoulder. "What are you doing your project on?" he asked.

"GLBT teen suicides," Kurt said solemnly.

It was strange, but Blaine flinched a little when he spoke. Well, not strange exactly. The wave of gay teen suicides was a tragedy and it affected boys like themselves greatly. It wasn't some story on the news to them, it was life.

"That's pretty deep," Blaine said, definitely bothered. "It'll be a difficult topic to handle. You'll handle it well though."

"It's a terrible tragedy," he said soft. "It kills me that these kids are dying and people are acting like it's something new, and acting at the same time like they have no clue how to stop it." He couldn't help the passion that trickled into his voice. While he had never been suicidal himself, he knew how easy it was for the general attitude towards anyone not straight to break a person down. He was tired of feeling like a second class citizen or different because of his being gay, and he could see why a kid would want to end it. He was just lucky he had the support that he had.

"The answer's quite simple, isn't it?" Blaine asked softly.

“If the world was one where people could just…not care about this stuff,” he said shaking his head a little and looking into Blaine’s eyes. “Well, anyway, I’ve done a lot of research, pulled a lot of stuff from the library, but I haven’t even begun to look it over. There are a ton of newspaper articles over there.”

He watched as Blaine’s eyes moved to the stack of newspaper clippings he had borrowed. He stood up and walked over to the table. He sifted through them, a deeply haunted look on his face. He picked one up and held it particularly tight.

“Tragedies,” he said softly, keeping it in his hand.

Kurt stopped and looked over at Blaine, before looking back at his notes.

“They all are. Some of them are from local papers too.”

“We’re in Ohio,” he said somberly. “Listen, Kurt. I forgot I had to meet up with Wes and give him some sheet music. I’ll see you in a little bit okay?”

Kurt nodded. “Okay.”

That had been weird. Blaine had tensed up and Kurt could swear he snatched one of his newspaper clippings off the table. This probably wasn’t good, but Kurt had to finish up and clean things up before he could think too much deeper on the subject. His brain was fried from schoolwork.

Unable to take any more studying, Kurt slowly cleaned up. He tucked his books into his bag and headed down into the senior commons to find Blaine. There were posters all around the room, talking about the upcoming Winter Dance with the sister school. Kurt blushed at the thought. He had been trying so desperately to get the guts up to ask Blaine, but it wasn’t happening – not yet at least. He was pretty sure Blaine was interested, but it was still so hard to take that first step.

He smiled when he entered the room, reminded of the first time he laid eyes on Blaine. Oh god, he was pathetically in love with him.

He found Blaine standing in the corner of the room, in a rather heated conversation with Wes. “The time is getting closer Blaine,” Wes said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “I know it’s difficult, but it is.”

“He’s not ready!” Blaine objected, loudly. Kurt frowned, not sure what they were talking about.

“He will be,” Wes said seriously.

Kurt walked over and coughed lightly, announcing his presence. “Hey,” he said. “All cleaned up.”

Wes smiled, uncomfortably. “Hey Kurt,” he said quietly. “I’ll be leaving now. Blaine, remember what I said.”

Blaine nodded, saying only, “I will.”

“Well that was weird,” Kurt said, watching as the other Warbler took off.

Blaine smiled. “You know him,” he said dismissively. “All obsessive and stuff but guy has a good heart. You wanna grab some lunch? De-stress a little bit?”

Kurt’s heart rate tripled. Blaine just did that to him so easily. “Sure, that sounds great,” he said softly, looking into the other teen’s eyes.

“Awesome,” Blaine responded. “Let’s go to that café next door. It’s a real quiet place to just hang out and talk.”

He and Blaine had gone to the same café a few weeks earlier and Kurt agreed. He followed Blaine out the door and off campus, to the small café that was very popular amongst Dalton Academy students. In fact, it served mostly Dalton Academy service, save for the couple of tourists or local business people making their way through the area. Blaine opened the door for Kurt and he couldn’t help the part of him that was positively swooning. It was silly. Kurt breathed in deep, looking around.

“Let’s get a booth,” Blaine said, pulling Kurt to the back corner of the room. Kurt followed quickly.

“How are you holding up?” Blaine asked, as Kurt opened the menu and started looking through it. “I mean, I know that adjusting to Dalton has been really hard for you. Are you doing okay?”

Kurt looked up, a little confused. Blaine was his mentor, that was fair, but he had laid off the therapist approach for the last couple of weeks. It was weird to hear him back at it all of a sudden. “I like it here,” he said awkwardly. “I mean adjusting to the way you guys do things hasn’t been an easy task, and I’m suffocating in schoolwork but this is a really great school. It’s rewarding being here.”

“Do you feel safer?” Blaine asked.

Kurt nodded quickly. “Without a doubt,” he answered softly. “Blaine, I have never felt so safe, here with you.”

“I mean the atmosphere of the school,” Blaine said quickly, and Kurt was a little bit alarmed at how quickly it came out. Was he okay?

“Oh yes, there’s no bullying, who could ask for more?” he asked. “It’s okay Blaine; you don’t have to play therapist today. I’m doing really well. Coming to Dalton is the best thing that ever happened to me. You can be assured of that.”

Blaine smiled.

“Actually,” Kurt said, while he was still lost in the amazingness that was Blaine Andrews’ smile, “I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”

“What is it Kurt?” Blaine asked.

“Will you go to the winter dance with me?” he asked softly. “I…I mean I…if you want to. You don’t have to.” He stammered his way through the request. He had always imagined having the freedom to ask a guy to a dance without being ridiculed or harmed by it, but he had never imagined it would be so terrifying.

Blaine’s face was even more terrifying. He frowned. “Kurt,” he said softly. “I’m sorry. I can’t. I have…family plans that night.”

Kurt’s heart sank, but at least it wasn’t an outright rejection. If Blaine already had family plans then there was really nothing he could do about it. He knew now, more than ever, how important family plans were. “Oh,” he said softly, sadly. “I’m sorry to hear that. Well maybe we can go to the next one.”

Blaine nodded, sadly. “Yeah,” he said touching Kurt’s hand. “You know Derek from the Warblers right? I think he’s got a bit of a crush on you. You should ask him out or something. Who knows how it’ll end up?”

Well that wasn’t very encouraging. Kurt shrugged a little bit. He liked Blaine. Didn’t Blaine share the feelings? Now, he wasn’t so sure. “I don’t know,” he said softly, basically fighting the urge to scream ‘Don’t you like me too?’ at Blaine.

This was not good.


	2. You'll be alright.

Kurt had always been the kind of person to pour himself into work to avoid dealing with his feelings. Luckily for Kurt, Dalton always left him with some kind of work to be done. He was just down in the dumps really. Not only had Blaine rejected his request to go to the dance with him, but he had even suggested that he take another boy. Didn’t Blaine see that Kurt liked him? Didn’t Blaine possibly like Kurt back?

Getting lost in work was always a good way to deal with angsty, ridiculous feelings, but of course with his project, the work was so very sad. There were so many suicides in the past couple of years, and a lot of them were pretty close. He yawned, reading yet another tragic story of a young man who couldn’t find acceptance and killed himself. The article ended with, “this tragedy comes only a month after the tragic death of another teenager in Westerville, Ohio.”

Kurt frowned. The article was dated in September, which would make the Westerville death in August. He had not read about a death occurring that recently, nevertheless one in the very city he was in. He sifted through his articles, not finding it. Then again, he was certain Blaine had pocketed one of his articles. Oh god, what if the kid who died was one of his friends? Kurt panicked a little bit, realizing that he had probably said something ridiculously trigger to Blaine when he started his project. Kurt grabbed his phone, putting it into the search engine.

Westerville, Ohio, suicide.

An article from the local news website popped up immediately. It read:

 **Teen Dead in Sexuality Related Suicide**

 _A recent brutal teen suicide has been revealed to have been related to the young man's sexual orientation. Blaine Anderson, 17, of Westerville was found dead on Monday morning from a gunshot wound to the head. Upon further investigation and the discovery of a suicide note, it was revealed that attitudes towards the teen's homosexuality lead to his suicide. Blaine is survived by parents Laura and Eric Anderson, who declined to comment. A family friend says the Anderson family is, "devastated and stricken by their loss." Memorial services for Blaine will be held at his school, Dalton Academy, later this week._

Kurt shook his head as he read. "No," he said shaking his head. "This can't be for real." It couldn't. Blaine had held his hand just the night before. Blaine had sat close by the fire and studied with him. The goddamned article was from August. Blaine had entered his life and heart in November. Blaine could not be dead.

The smiling picture of Blaine attached to the article taunted him like a sick, sick joke. It was the very same picture that he had once kept in his locker at McKinley, the picture that now sat under his bed.

Kurt steadied his breathing and went to the next search result. He swallowed. No. The next article in the list was a graphic retelling of how the young Blaine Anderson was found dead, gunshot wound to the head, at Dalton Academy, despite the fact that the fact that the school year had not yet begun.

This was insane. He was losing his mind.

He got up and rushed to find Blaine. Instead, he found Wes, who looked at him, eyes strained. “Kurt, what’s wrong?” the boy asked, voice exhausted.

Kurt stared and when he tried to open his mouth all that came out was desperate panting, followed by totally incoherent rambling. “Blaine…I found an article…online…Blaine…”

Wes got up and surprisingly, put both hands on Kurt’s shoulders. “Kurt, I need you to calm down and breathe. Tell me what the article you read said.”

Kurt exhaled. “He killed himself!” he yelled. “But how…”

Wes frowned, as if it was just what he had feared. “It’s going to be okay, Kurt,” he said softly. “Just keep breathing. Yes, it is true, what you read. Come; let’s go to my room so that we can talk in private. I know it’s impossible to understand, but you will very shortly.”

Kurt let himself be lead up to the other boy’s room. How could he know and be okay with this? How could he? How could he understand what was going on? What was going on? How could something like this make sense? He breathed deeply, his hyperventilation making him feel lightheaded, confused.

When they arrived at Wes’s dorm room, Wes sat Kurt down on his bed. “Okay Kurt,” he said softly. “One, yes Blaine killed himself; Two, he is dead; Three, he adores you and would do anything to help you.”

How did that make any sense? Kurt looked at Wes, trying to pry an explanation that made any sort of sense away from the other boy.

Wes closed his eyes. “Blaine I need you now,” he said aloud.

Blaine was at the door in seconds, walking inside as though he had been summoned.

“Wes, what happened?” he asked softly.

Kurt turned his head towards Blaine, took one look at him and wailed. “How can you be dead? You’re right here!” Kurt sobbed, clinging to the Warbler, who up until this moment, he couldn’t stand.

Blaine’s face fell. “Oh god, he knows?” he asked Wes softly.

“Yes,” the boy said, still clutching Kurt. “The time has come Blaine; I can feel it, strongly.”

Blaine knelt down near Kurt, taking one knee. “Kurt, I know this is s-scary and I never wanted this moment to have to come,” he said honestly. He leaned down and brushed a hand over Kurt’s tear streaked cheek. “I didn’t want to have to see this moment happen, ever. I’m dead Kurt.” Blaine's fingers on his cheek, brushing at his tears, felt so real and so alive. It couldn't be true. "I killed myself in early August," he said softly. "I was trying so hard Kurt. Dalton made the bullying stop, if made life so much more tolerable and the Warblers gave me a voice. I finally felt good but there was still something that hurt so deeply..."

Blaine struggled and - could dead people cry? How could he be dead? Why was Kurt accepting this? - he was crying. "My parents," he said softly, "could never accept me. They brushed me off, silenced me with money, threw my problems out onto the street, and acted like being gay was this choice I made to make their lives difficult."

He held Kurt's hand, still feeling so real. "I was home for summer when my father said I was a burden, with all my f-faggy problems. My mother calmly agreed with him, like it was nothing. I was...so done. I didn't think of what I was doing till I took my father's gun and it was over."

Kurt recalled the details with horror. Blaine Anderson: seventeen and dead with a bullet through his skull.

"It d-didn't hurt. It was painless, really, but when I woke up I was still there. At first I thought I dreamed it but I...watched them carry my body away."

"Wes?" Kurt asked through choked tears.

“I come from a family line of powerful mediums,” the boy answered, letting go of his death grip on Kurt. Kurt breathed a little easier without the tight hold. Blaine spoke next.

"I wasn't the first spirit he's encountered. He and his sister Gia walked me through my terror, my regret, my pain. They helped me figure out my mission, why I was left behind. They’ve both suffered so much for me.”

Blaine and Kurt both looked at Wes and the boy nodded slowly, the tears in his eyes matching both of theirs. “I’ve been altering the perception of reality you’ve seen,” he told Kurt quietly. “It’s been exhausting and I’ve been trying so hard for Blaine. I wanted him to find peace and move on, but it was clear that he would be left behind until his mission was fulfilled.”

Blaine paused and looked Kurt directly in the eye. "You've been my mission all along Kurt," he said. He looked down. "Before I did it...I was researching McKinley for the Warblers. I came across this blog, with a video of you getting hurt. A kid threw a slushie in your face, and my heart broke at the comments. Stuff like 'fag got what he deserved,' and 'suck it homo.' I...saw me in you. So I vowed come September I would save you."

He looked down, eyes wet still.

"I never meant to fall in love with you," he whispered low. "When you first came to Dalton, I...I told myself my mission had begun and I was going to save a brilliant kid from being a statistic like I...like I was. I never imagined how much you'd make me regret my choice."

He touched Kurt's hand. Kurt was still marveling at how wonderful, warm and alive the hand on his felt. "I'm sorry Kurt," he said softly. "Wes told me time and time again to back off, because we can't be, I'm dead, my time is over. I know I didn't always listen. I just didn't want to dream of losing you."

He looked far away, eyes big. "Kurt, you'll be strong right?" he asked. "I really think you should go back to McKinley. I did something I wasn't supposed to, while I was here."


	3. End of a time

Kurt tried to speak but he wasn't sure his sobbed, "What?" sounded like words. He was going to lose Blaine. Blaine was leaving him; he could feel that in his heart. He didn't know why, but it was pushing at his heart like a key being stabbed into a lock, twisting, getting ready to open the door to - god knows what.

"That kid, Dave, at your school. I got a really bad feeling about him the first time we saw him, and then I got this horrible feeling and I went to him. I stopped him from being a statistic too. A little divine intervention never hurt anyone right?" Blaine gave a halfhearted laugh that sounded odd, mingled with tears. "He's confused and scared though. My mission ends t-tonight but your life isn't over. You can be a hero. You can be an advocate for kids who are so stupid like I was, and believe that there's no way out."

Blaine looked away for a moment. "I was so foolish; to believe that there was no way out for me. My parents never understood me, but if I had just waited for a few seconds longer, I could have been with the boy I would have loved. I want kids to see what they'll miss if they kill themselves. I want the world to have so much more but my mission is done. I need to go. Your mission isn't over Kurt. The world needs something better. It needs light."

He looked into Kurt’s eyes. “Kurt, you are so strong,” Blaine said seriously. “You’re talented and beautiful and such an amazing person. You are so strong and independent and nobody should ever change you.”

“Blaine,” Wes said, looking pained, sick, like he was about to be ill. “Please say goodbye.”

Blaine touched Kurt, grabbing hold of his hand. He leaned forward and kissed him, just a brush of his lips against his cheek. “You taught me so much about the world,” he said. “A little late, but I learned so much from you. Thank you.”

Kurt swallowed. “Blaine, please, I love you,” he said softly. His words wrenched from his throat with a choked sob. “I love you so much.”

Blaine nodded. “I know Kurt,” he said. “I love you too. I’ll always be with you, I promise. I don’t know how, but I’ll always be there.” He looked at Wes. “Thank you for being my guide. You took hold of me on this journey and you brought me to peace. I can feel it now.”

Blaine smiled and Kurt thought he looked positively divine, angelic for a moment. His face was pale, pure and full of light. He was smiling, even though the tears were still falling freely down his face.

Kurt shut his eyes. He didn’t know why but something tugged at his chest and he had to close his eyes.

When he opened them, Blaine was gone and the world was different. He sat in silence, sobbing, holding onto the arm of the chair and on to Wes at the same time. This was horrifying, something he could not handle. He felt that the air was draining from his lungs. Blaine was gone. It was such a profound loss, of something he had already lost.  
It took forever to find his breath again.

"I'm sorry for deceiving you," Wes said quietly, after Kurt's sobs subsided. Kurt looked up and into the other boy's eyes. "This is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. My sister and my mother, they always prepared me for the day that I'd meet a spirit who needed me, but I never imagined it would be Blaine. I never imagined that Blaine could kill himself.”

Kurt looked up needy. He needed to hear more. Wes obliged him and kept on talking. “Blaine, the Blaine you knew, was no deception, I promise. That was Blaine, the boy that we all loved and admired. Nobody knew that he held so much darkness within him. We didn’t know he was going to kill himself. I had no idea. I would have done something…anything. We can be cold, a little detached from one another here, but we all loved Blaine.”

Kurt shook his head. “This goes against everything I ever believed,” he sobbed. “I just want to hold him so much.” His chest hurt, his heart hurt, his head hurt. Everything hurt. It was an unimaginable pain. “He came to save me and he did save me…I just … I just loved him so much Wes. I love him so much.”

“I tried to stop him from…really loving you,” he said. “I knew it would never come to pass because of what he was. At the same time, I knew Blaine was a romantic, and being with you was all he really dreamed of.”

Kurt was silent for awhile. He had been loved, greatly, but loved by a boy who was already doomed to pass on. He was loved by a ghost and it was the most intense, romantic love that he had ever felt in his life. He had given it back, wholeheartedly.

“I held up the deception for a long time but you understand why, right? He needed to save you; he needed to make you stronger, help you through everything that hurt you. He needed to do that so he could move on and be at peace."

Kurt exhaled and looked up at Wes.

"What's after?" he asked finally able to breathe. "Where is he going now?"

Kurt had been an avowed atheist for his entire life and now he had to accept the idea of a thereafter, one where the boy he loved resided. He just hoped that Blaine had that peace. God, he hoped that he had some kind of peace. Kurt thought eerily of priests who screamed of suicide being a ticket to hell and shuddered.

"I don't know," Wes said honestly. "I know, you'd think someone with a family line like mine would know, but we only meet the spirits before they pass. I can feel it though, like right now, when he passed and it's good. It’s so good.” Wes had tears in his eyes that were like Kurt’s, sort of never-ending, silent tears.

Kurt nodded, slowly. "I...what happens now?"

Wes sighed. "I can rest," he said quietly, relief flooding through his voice like a sob. "Things will go back to normal. You will enter the new reality. You are a new transfer student, a stubborn one that gets on my every last nerve but I secretly love. You're our newest Warbler, and we kind of adored your audition piece. Uh...you make the next choice."

Kurt nodded. It was his to make.

When Kurt woke up the next morning, he was greeted by his roommate Russell, same as ever. He was treated like one of the guys. People called, “Hey Kurt,” as he walked down to the cafeteria to get breakfast. That boy Derek, from the Warblers, who Blaine had said had a crush on him, he gave him a long lingering look.

On his way from the cafeteria to math, though, Kurt saw the memorial.

A beautiful memorial was set up in the quad of the school that he had never seen before. The flowers were beautifully arranged in a circle, the same picture of Blaine that he had seen so many times before smiling in the center. A well crafted banner on a gold plaque read, “Blaine Anderson, forever our hero, forever missed.”


End file.
